Oh, the Angst!

Good news everyone! Matt got the job he went to interview for and was offered the position the next week. Yay! Therefore, I am in full packing up/cleaning up mode. Matt and I are going up this weekend to D.C. to do some apartment hunting. Matt will start his job on July the 20th, I will join him there when my internship is finished on July 31st.

On top of all that, I’m also making a trip with Tominda out to Seattle WA, from WV. It is the trip we’ve wanted to take since we graduated from high school. However, this trip is not a round one; I am the only one returning by plane. Tominda has chosen to plant herself in the rainiest city I know of. You can bet your sweet bippy I am gonna be crying at the airport.

So I had an eventful weekend. I went down to Matt’s apartment, where we searched for apartments and jobs for me online. The job hunting thing is really getting old, so I was feeling a little discouraged. I’m pretty bummed that I haven’t gotten anything yet, and I want to catch up to Matt. However, I have to keep reminding myself that this is not a competition. But, at the time, I was bummed. But, I did have a horse-back riding lesson scheduled for that Saturday. Off I went, thinking that I could get some things off my mind by riding. This usually works well. Things on my mind:
Getting a job
Finding an Apartment
Leaving my Mom in this current situation
Leaving the only area I really know
Tominda moving away
Money money money

Needless to say, I got into my own head and just stayed there. I did not get these things off my mind and instead fell off the horse I was riding, even though he had done nothing. The lesson degenerated from there, ending with me in tears and a sore backside. Awesome. My instructor and I figure that I actually hurled myself to the ground.

I absolutely HATE to cry. Crying in front of others only makes it worse. I spent a good five minutes trying to get my shit under control and absolutely failed. I wound up apologizing to my instructor, embarrassed as hell. When I took the horse back up to the pasture to put him up, three of the other horses up there managed to escape on me. I don’t believe I have ever cursed so loudly or horribly before. Not one of my finer moments.

What really kept circling around in my head was, “I just want to be really good at something!” And this is one thing that I really want to be good at. It’s rather ridiculous, as I realize that I am good at many things. I can write well, I listen to others well, I’m a decent dancer (or I was), I can swim very well, I have a bit of artistic talent in certain things, etc. But, I have friends who all excel at these things. Where I am merely good, they are fantastic.

For instance, go to: www.readvessel.com . That is Tominda’s book. You will love it, I promise. It is a fascinating read and will keep you glued to your seat. This book is going to be big. Tom is a fabulous writer. That is only one example of my fantastic friends. I guess what I’m really looking for is to be Fabulous with a capital “F” in something too. I feel mediocre in comparison sometimes. Also ridiculous, in retrospect. I have my own talents and abilities that I just don’t see. I am forever my own worst critic. If nothing else, we can say that I attract remarkably talented and fantastic people to me. I shall start a harem.

On a more interesting and lighter note, I started reading some of my old Mercedes Lackey novels. I used to love The Heralds of Vladimar series. However, reading them now, I have realized that they are not the books I once liked so much. Do not mistake me, she has good stories. It is her characters that start to bother me. It has always bothered me that her characters were so DRAMATIC. I was able to get past that and enjoy the story. When I read those once treasured books now, I am irritated by the characters. They are all the same. They are all self-sacrificing people who regularly run themselves into the ground for the good of their country. Admirable, but boring. There is usually some sort of hard love/extreme love mixed into these stories, and I’m rather sick of that as well. I’m also not impressed with the writing style anymore. Ms. Lackey often writes a slice-of-life section in the book, and I used to like that a lot. Now, though, I find that it interrupts the story for me, and winds up not being that germane to whatever else is going on.

For example: So and so raced into the rescue! First he ate well roasted meat, drank crystal clear water, pooped, and slept on a bed of flaxen virgin hair! Back to the rescuing!
(I exaggerate) but the idea is the same. These are things that I plan to look out for in my own writings. Slice of life can be done better, it must, because I am going to write about things like that (not the pooping) but I want to do it in a way that flows better with the story and not as a sort of filler. Because that’s what they read like: sections of filler in-between sections of action. Boring filler as well.

Therefore, I have come to the conclusion that I will be giving up a good portion of the series that I collected over the years. I will only be keeping two of the books, Take a Thief and Brightly Burning. Thank you Mercedes Lackey, for entertaining me through the years, I did love those books. I do still love them, I just don’t love them enough to read them for the 45th time or keep them. One less burden on the road.

I did buy a digital camera (I’ve never had one before) and had my friend Ginny take pictures of Matt and me in our graduation robes. Graduation day was so hectic, we never got to take pictures together. For Example:

Attractive, I know. Try to contain yourselves.

I’m on a countdown:
Days until Tom and I head out: 9
Days until I move: 34 working days (does not include weekends)


  1. ickle-buns!! I love-love-love-love you so, and you are SO Fantastic, with a capitol F! In so many ways! For instance, writing about the most horrible day ever in such a way that it had me laughing my ass off?? I know no one else who can do this. You are funny, perceptive, bold, and on top of shit. You bring out the best in people and earn their trust, make them feel better about life and about themselves. Just look at me. I'm the happiest mo-fo on the planet, and why? Because YOU'RE my best friend, and you've worked your crazy wizard magic on me for the past 11 years. You'll find your outlet, I know you will. Maybe in DC, maybe Seattle ( ; ) ), maybe Kalamazoo or Timbuktu or Siberia! And you can bet your sweet bippy I'll be behind you all the way!!

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